Fear
by Jadepearl
Summary: Fear is her constant companion. Fear that someone will discover, that someone will know; and that is something that she simply could not bare.
1. Why So Arrogant?

Chapter One: Why so arrogant?

* * *

><p>"Will you come on?" Remus fussed at Sirius. They were going to the library (well Remus was going, Sirius was being forced) to finish the essays Professor Carney set two days ago. Sirius opened his mouth to complain again, but stopped when he saw <em>her: <em>a girl the age of seventeen with jet black hair down to the small of her back, pale skin, and violet eyes. And all he could say was "whoa." He thought she looked familiar, and then it hit him: Lyira Blaire, she was Lily Evans' best friend. He looked at her every day and never realized just how beautiful she was.

Lyira was sitting in the back corner of the library when she looked up and saw a couple of rowdy boys, which she soon recognized to be two of the Marauders. She adores two of them, one is creepy, and the other is rather cute, but too arrogant to get anywhere with. She smiles at Remus who is looking her way. She returns to her work and tries to ignore the fact that Sirius is gawking at her.

* * *

><p>The next day in Transfiguration, Lyira came in and sat down in her usual seat next to Lily.<p>

"Hey Lils."

"Hey girl, what's up?"

"Oh, you know, running late, getting gawked at in the library, the usual." Lyira laughed.

Lily raised an eyebrow at this remark, but didn't have time to inquire further as they heard a commotion and laughing, the Marauders running in. All of them were laughing hysterically and right behind them Severus Snape of Slytherin house marched in soaking wet. Lyira felt bad for him. The Marauders always tortured him. Lyira noticed Sirius was looking at her very intently, like he wanted to say something, but didn't at the same time.

"You got a problem there, Black?"

He blinked, not realizing he had been staring at her. Trying to think of a reply, all he could do was stutter and stammer. Before he could collect his thoughts and say something somewhat intelligent, Professor McGonagall walked in to begin class. She paused a moment when she noticed Severus, who was still dripping wet. She scowled, turned to the Marauders and simply said: "Detention."

* * *

><p>It was midnight and Lyira was sitting in the far corner of the Gryffindor common room curled up in an armchair. She looked at her hands and arms. The silver scars and little golden veins consumed them. <em>Why me? <em>She thought. _What did I do to deserve this?_Lyira sat there until the sun came up and the gold and silver faded away. She dried her eyes and looked in the mirror on the wall, smiled at the beautiful girl who looked back at her. Then she rushed up stairs before her roommates woke up.

* * *

><p>The next day, the sun shone brightly in the courtyard. Lyira and Remus, taking advantage of the unseasonably warm weather, were sitting in the grass talking about their essays for Defense against the Dark Arts when James and Sirius walk up.<p>

"Good morning, darling," Sirius said, obviously trying to flirt with Lyira. She barely nodded her head in response.

"Why so cold?" he asked.

"Why so arrogant?" she challenged.

"Runs in the family, I guess," he mocked.

She just rolled her eyes at him, and to her surprise she giggled. Sirius' stomach went all funny at the sound of her laughter, it felt good and he wanted to hear it again. Remus and James exchanged a look and tried not to laugh at how obvious Sirius was being. Lyira became very confused very fast. _Why was she laughing at his jokes?_ She knew there was only one answer to that question.

* * *

><p>"This <em>is not <em>happening," Lyira said to Lily, exasperated.

"Lyira, I'm your best friend and it's my job to tell you…_you're completely smitten with him!_" Lily giggled.

Lyira shot her a death glare.

"Shut up, no I'm not! Not with Black, that is so gross!" Lyira yelled.

"He so likes you, though. I see the way he looks at you."

"That's not the point, he's a prat and it's not going to happen," Lyira said, plopping down on a chair.

"Well, that's true, but he can be sweet, funny, and charming."

"Yeah, but still…"

"Why are you so afraid of liking this guy?"

"I just…." Lyira sighed. "I don't know." That was a blatant lie and she knew it. She was terrified of getting too close to anybody, for fear they might discover her secret. Even Lily, the person she was closest to, didn't know. And nobody ever would know. Lyira could feel Lily looking at her, waiting for an answer. All Lyira could do was sigh and put her head in her hands.

"Does this really bother you? He's just a guy, there's no need to get so worked up over it." Lily was right and Lyira knew it, but she couldn't bring herself to accept it. She really did like Sirius, but she knew she couldn't get too close. Not only to protect herself and her secret, but to protect Sirius as well.


	2. Author's Note

Hello my loves! I am so sorry I haven't posted in so long! But I'm back and I've been working really hard on these chapters. I appreciate everyone who has stayed with this story and supported it. I have revised and reposted Chapter One, and in doing so I've had to change some of the plot line. The rest of the chapters will be deleted and revised before I post any new chapters. I hope to have Chapters Two and Three up by this weekend. Again thank you guys so much for your support and putting up with my laziness and absence.

Love&Rockets,

Jadepearl


	3. Let the Games Begin

**Chapter Two: Let the Games Begin**

* * *

><p>Lyira hurried along the corridor towards the Great Hall. She was late for dinner…again; she had been lost in a book one of her muggle friends had given her. She came flying around the next corner into the foyer and ran smack into someone, landing on top of them.<p>

"Well hello there."

Lyira looked at who she had toppled over, and swore under her breathe. Sirius, it had to be Sirius freaking Black of all people. She scrambled to get to her feet and away from him and her embarrassment. She was up and half way across foyer before he was even off the ground.

"Wait." He called after her. She didn't slow her pace. He nearly had to sprint to catch up with her, when he fell in step beside her, she wouldn't look at him.

"Can I help you with something Black?" Her voice was trying to be indifferent but she was failing miserably, he could tell she was trying hard not to smile at the situation.

"I don't know can you?" He retorted. She just rolled her eyes and kept walking. She wanted to get away from him; she didn't think it would be a good idea to be alone with him, given the current situation. Accompanied by the fact, she had already had a headache and didn't feel like dealing with him anyway. He has been talking for the past few minutes, but she has no clue what he was saying. She was looking for her chance to escape, and she found it. A few feet away in the hall was the girls' lavatory. She mumbled something, she was sure was unintelligible and ducked inside. Sirius stood there a moment.

"Nice talking to you."

* * *

><p>"You're an idiot." James stated bluntly.<p>

"How does that make me an idiot?" Sirius inquired, "She was the one who ran into me, and then ducked into the bathroom."

"It makes you an idiot because, you missed an opportune moment." Remus chimed in.

"To do what, might I ask?"

"Plant one on her." James said flatly. Sirius just took a moment and looked at his friends.

"Who said I wanted to snog her anyway?" Sirius said trying to sound offended. They both just gave him a look. He knew they were right, he did like her and this notion really pissed him off. _Why did it have to be her?_ He thought. Not that there was anything wrong with Lyira herself, but he couldn't understand what it was. They had barely spoken at all the past five years, so what happened? James, having always been able to read Sirius' mind, answered his question:

"You noticed her for the first time."

"What are you talking about? I've known her for six years now."

"That maybe, but have you ever really looked at her? She's not the same little eleven year-old girl we met in First Year." Sirius just sat there for a moment letting that soak in.

"Dammit James."

"So what are you going to do?" Remus asked. All Sirius could do was sigh.

* * *

><p>"I hate Potions." Lyira announced.<p>

"Oh don't be so dramatic." Lily laughed.

"Easy for you to say, you got an Outstanding on your O.W.L.S."

"You could have too, if you had actually studied."

"Shut up."

Potions were the bane of her existence as far as Lyira was concerned. She hated them, more than she hated her…never mind. She shook herself and tried to focus on what she was attempting to brew. Attempting being the operative word. She was awful at potions, her talents lie in Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts. Lily and Severus however, were fabulous at potions. She tuned him out. She loves Severus but sometimes she wanted to smack him upside the head, in a loving sort of way of course.

When she looked up again, he was still on her case about it. She rolled her eyes at him and kept working. She really needed to get this potion right, you ever did won a prize, a prize she desperately needed: Liquid Luck. She was going to need a lot of luck to pass the N.E. for this course, because she had no idea what she was doing.

"So…." Lily said, breaking her concentration. "Have you figured out what to do about Sirius yet?"

"Is he bothering you Lyira? Because if he is I'll…" Lyira cut him off.

"That's alright Sev; he's not bothering me more than usual. And Lily, I'm not going to do anything about it."

"Well why not?" Lily pouted.

"It's not worth my time." She was lying through her teeth.

* * *

><p>Hello again my darlings! I'm so sorry for the delay on this chapter, I got grounded, but I'm back now :) I hope to have Chapter 3 up sometime this week, but I have a lot of testing coming up so we'll see. And if you be so kind as to review, that would be lovely. I love hearing from you guys.<p>

Love&Rockets,  
>Jadepearl<p> 


	4. The Lingering Question

Hello my darlings! I am so sorry for the delay on this chapter, but here it is, (finally). I hope to have chapter 4 up very soon.  
>Please enjoy :)<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Three: The Lingering Question<strong>

* * *

><p>The weeks had passed and the crisp autumn air turned bitterly cold; snow started to flurry, soon the world would be blanketed in white. The turn of the weather had put a damper on Lyira's ongoing plan: avoid Sirius. The cold had kept most of the students indoors, making it difficult to not see him; that and the fact he spent most of his time looking for her.<p>

Lily kept right on her case about it, saying she was being childish about it, to which Lyira brought up her own cat and mouse style relationship with James. She had a very good reason for avoiding him though. She couldn't bear the thought that he might discover or worse; that he might get hurt because of it. She had taken to hiding in the girl's lavatory, which may seem like a weird place to hide from people, but taking the fact that this lavatory is haunted, it's perfect.

"You have to get a life sometime you know." Myrtle whined.

"Look who's talking." Lyira replied, mono-toned.

"Why can't you just talk to him and quit being a stupid teenage girl?"

"Because."

"This is ridiculous."

"Well I don't see you saying anything at all to James. You stay and hide in here, same as me."

"Well I'm dead. Besides he fancies your friend Lily, but you have no excuse not to-"

"I'm late for Herbology" Lyira cut her off. She shoved all her things into her bag and headed out the door. As she entered the hallway she spotted Sirius at the same time he spotted her. His face lit up and his signature smirk broke across his face. He called out to her but she had already rushed back in to the lavatory. She slammed the door behind her and slide down on to the floor.

"Problem?" Myrtle asked, with a coy smile on her lips.

"Shut your ghost face." Lyira huffed.

"He was out there wasn't he?"

"Hush."

* * *

><p>Lyira eased her way around the corner and peered into the Great Hall. She scanned the hall carefully, searching and hoping that he would not be there. After scanning the other three tables, looking to see if he found a pretty girl there, her eyes fell upon the Gryffindor table. He and James were nowhere to be found. She sighed in relief, he wasn't there; she would not have to endure trying to pretend he wasn't.<p>

With this weight off her shoulders, she strode into the great hall. She had spotted Lily and Remus towards the farther end of the table. She sat down by her best friend and immediately regretted it.

"Did you seriously just scan the room for him before you came in here?" Lily asked accusingly.

"So what if I did?" Lyira retorted.

"This is getting ridiculous dear, you can't keep avoiding him."

"Well what about you? You try and avoid James all the time."

"That's different." Lily said flatly.

"Why are you avoiding him? Has he done something to offend you? Knowing Sirius, that would be totally possible." Remus interjected.

"No he hasn't, but I just can't be around him." Lyira said, putting her head in her hands.

"Well if it makes you feel better, I believe he is going home with James for the holidays."

Lyira just sighed. She knew her friends meant well but they don't understand. She couldn't bring him into this, just like she couldn't bring anyone else in. Only her grandmother knew. Her father had left when she was younger and her mother was…well her mother. In fact it was her mother that…

"Lyira, hello" Lily snapped her fingers in her friends face. Lyira jumped, pulling herself back into the Great Hall.

"What? I'm sorry."

"I asked if you had any nice dresses." Lily laughed.

"One, why?"

"Excellent!"

Lyira did not like the look on Lily's face. To her great horror, Lily was taking her to Professor Slughorn's Christmas party.

"What makes you think that I want to go a party?" Lyira inquired.

"The fact that you owe me for the Hogsmead incident."

Lyira just shook her head; that was not even her fault, and she wished Lily would stop bringing it up. She really did not want to spend a night being snuffed by the "Slug Club."

"Wait a second." Lyira said, a thought popping into her head.

"Yes?" Lily said, raising an eyebrow.

"James is in the Slug Club."

"And?"

"That means he will probably bring Sirius."

Lily and Remus said nothing. Lyira felt like she couldn't breathe, if he would be there, there will be no escaping him. No one understands why she avoids him; she has liked him for a while, but she has realized the more time she spends around him the more she likes him. He has enough problems of his own, without hers.

"_What am I going to do?" _She thought.

* * *

><p>After her conversation with Lily, Lyira returned to Gryffindor Tower. She was tired and just didn't want to think about things anymore. The Tower was empty, for everyone else was still at dinner. She went up to her dormitory to change out of her robes, a few minutes later she came back down the stairs in jeans and a grey tank top. She curled up on the sofa in front of the fire and decided to read a book one of her muggle friends had given her: 'The Princess Bride.' She was in the middle of the Fire Swamp, when the Common Room door opened. James and Sirius came in talking and laughing at something that she couldn't discern. She hoped that they would not see her and just go upstairs. She was wrong.<p>

"Oh! Sorry love, we didn't mean to disturb you." James said, still half laughing.

"Its fine, I was just on my way to bed anyway." Lyira replied, getting up from the couch.

"Oh, alright good night," James said, placing a kiss on her cheek. He walked past her towards the stairs.

"You coming Padfoot?" James asked, realizing his best friend had not moved from his spot in front of the door.

"In a minute, I would like to talk to Lyira for a moment. If that's okay?" Sirius said, eyeing Lyira.

Lyira stood there a moment, before deciding she did owe him some kind of explanation. She nodded and motion for Sirius to sit on the couch. He sat down beside her and tried to think of where to start. He looked down and noticed the book in her lap and smiled.

"I love that book." He said, smiling at her.

"You've read 'The Princess Bride'?" Lyira asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Obviously, I only read it to piss my mum off but I ended up really liking it. Especially that part in the Fire Swamp where…"

"No! I'm in the middle of the Fire Swamp scene, don't ruin it."

"Sorry, so can I…um ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"I've noticed you have been avoiding me these past few weeks, and I just wanted to know why? Have I done something to upset you or…?"

Lyira sighed, her gaze dropping to the fire that sat in front of them. She didn't know what to say, there was no way she was going to tell him…that. She looked at him from the corner of her eye; he was still looking at her with those beautiful grey eyes of his.

"I…I…," She faltered, "I'm sorry." She pushed off the couch and made for the stairs, but he kept with her and caught her arm.

"Please don't leave; you don't have to tell me just please stay."

"Sirius…" She didn't have time to finish that sentence because at that instance he pressed his lips against hers. It was sweet, but something else entirely, and against her better judgment she kissed him back. Then she realized what was happening, she pulled back and looked Sirius for a moment. He looked surprised and confused; she didn't know what to say and her eyes started to sting with tears.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. Then she bolted up the stairs, leaving Sirius standing there more confused than he was before.

* * *

><p>I really hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it :) Please don't forget to review ;)<p>

Love&Rockets,

Jadepearl

P.S. Here is what Lyira looks like and the outfit she wears at the end of the chapter :)  
>story_compilation-fear_lyira_firesideset?id=126301415

story_compilation-fear_lyira_blaire/set?id=120310834&lid=3552763


End file.
